By far, the single most common question I get from men is; “How do I get my partner/girl friend/wife to have anal sex?” or “How do I best approach the subject of anal sex with my partner/girl friend/wife?”
wanting to get their girls to take it up the ass. The answer is the same for women trying to get their lesbian partner to take it up the ass. Now for women wanting to play with their guys ass or start pegging him, while the principles are the same, there are notable differences, physical and mental, that need consideration. In time, and with some encouragement, I will put together an article specifically for women who want to take the upper hand.
For gay men, it would seem that the subject is central to their sexual relationship, so for gay men the question is more about who to get started or do it better.
Now for women wanting to play with their guys ass or start pegging him, there are some differences, physical and mental that need some consideration.
“Perfectly easy anal sex” is an awesome success story from one of my followers on FetLife. The experience and issues that faced this person is echoed by so many that I asked if I could publish our dialogue for the benefit of others. This person’s story actually started with a post entitled “So I really wanted to try anal” about 8 months before she came to me for help. Here is how we started:
” I have gotten ok with the insertion and toys being in there…but the fucking motion…i don’t like it. It causes me pain. Currently I have called an all stop to anal until I figure it out.”
To answer the question “Do anal numbing products work?” directly; YES, they work. Do some people benefit from them? – Yes, they do. Do some people suffer greatly as a result of using them? – YES! Yes they do.
A better better question might be:- “Will I benefit from using an anal numbing product?”
I must say, I have been meaning to add to that article, even make some changes based on further case studies and experiments. But to your question.
You want a mild soap. While I am still researching the science behind this, the gentleness of a soap is more affected by the choice of oils used. So claims of pH balanced etc. often are misguided assurances. That is because the vagina has a pH between 3.5 and 4.5, the human skin has a pH between 5 and 7 and none of that matters because the rectum has a pH of 7 to 8. That is to say that any ordinary soap is more likely to have a pH closer to the pH of the rectum/colon that a soap that is “pH balance” for human skin or women’s pussies. ( sic:- UNC Pharmacopedia – Rectal and Vaginal)
Down to specifics. One product that is very good is [FemFresh][http://www.femfresh.com.au/FemFresh_Intimate_Wash]. This is an Australian product but other global soap maker will have an equivalent. Ignore the comments about it having a high pH (that is standard for soaps). The important statement is *”The hypoallergenic formula has been dermatologically and gynaecologically tested…”* and I can vouch for the products gentleness when it comes to the anus and rectum.
[Castile soaps][http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castile_soap] are heralded by many enema enthusiast and I have to agree with them. Dr. Bronner (Another Australian product but use all over the world for enemas and therefor I must assume available all over the world) makes a range of [liquid Castile soaps][http://www.drbronner.com.au/liquidsoap.html] with different essential oils added. The scent helps to neutralize the inevitable smell that accompanies the total colon clean out. Stay away from the astringent oils like peppermint, citrus and Eucalyptus (some love it but they like astringent agents up their ass). To keep things soothing, so you can use your anus and rectum of other activities without waiting for the irritation to pass, use lavender, baby mild or Rose. Dr. Bronner’s is great because it is highly concentrated so you only need a few drops (6 – 10) in a litre of water.
Finally, baby shampoo. Truely! It is readily available and dirt cheap. Basically any “No More Tears” formulation. If it won’t irritate a baby’s eyes it is not going to irritate the anus or rectum. I got DirtyGardenGirl onto this. She is one person who cannot afford to have chemical irritating her ass just before a performance.
Broke up with my boyfriend 6-months ago and moved. Single since then. He was the first guy that I had ever had satisfying anal sex with. It takes me a while to get relaxed, and things got better as we practiced together.
Been on my own now for half a year, and I’m wondering if the back-door progress I made will fade, and if I start up with a new lover, will I have the tightness trouble that I had at first. Has this happened to anyone?
I’m wondering if I should ‘practice’ with a vibe or dildo to stay in shape?
This article has been published to help a member of FetLife who came to me for assistance with a specific situational problem. The home is not conducive to using enemas (shared accommodation). They get away to their playmate’s place for the weekend but they don’t want to waste a good portion of Friday evening preparing following a three hour drive from work. In fact they don’t want to waste a second. So her ass has to be clean by the time she gets there and that is usually 6 or 7 hours after her lunch break, the only opportunity she has to clean out (bummer). So Friday lunch is the only opportunity which she can sort out for a serious enema and that only gives her about 30 mins, So….
Can you use a garden hose and is it possible to over fill yourself?
These are questions that arise again and again, most recently yesterday on FetLife. These question inevitably solicit all kinds of negative response from neigh-sayers that clearly have no personal experience and show a total lack of understand about the human body and biological functions.
Can you use a garden hose? – “Yes!” is the simple answer. Is it without risks? – “No!” is the short answer.
Neigh-sayers make unqualified statements like;
It is not safe to use tap water pressure.
Using home water pressure is never a good idea.
The colon has no filters to detoxify like the stomach does.
Anything toxic you put IN THERE goes immediately to the blood.
Hoses are a bad idea – Rough edges, etc, etc, etc.
To all the claims about how bacteria and toxins, bad germs, no filter in the colon, etc, etc.. lets start with this: Man vs. Wild – Fetid water enema. Of course, Bear didn’t come up with this idea all on his lonesome. The first publicized survival story of the Family Robinson using contaminated water as a Murphy Drip is from 1978 – Shipwrecked for 38 days.
It is common medical knowledge that when liquid is introduced into the colon, its membrane allows the water to pass through it into the bloodstream. But here is the point to note: The lining of the colon is a membrane. That is a biological/medical/chemistry term for FILTER.
The wall of the colon is in fact a very effective and complex filter. The colon also has mechanisms to override the effects of osmosis which is why it can extract critical trace elements and salts from its contents while blocking toxins. If tap water was so toxic so as to be dangerous to put it up your ass the water supply would be condemned and shut off. If you can drink it you can put it up your ass.
Now to the question of water pressure. Statements like: “It is not safe to use tap water pressure… “ and “… never a good idea” are outrageous overstatements. That is not to say there are no concerns. You can hurt yourself if you act like a fool. However, there are number of aspects about your anus and rectum that makes it very difficult to “over fill” yourself and the water pressure from the average household tap is not going to blast a hole in the sidewall of your rectum.
The Max Shower Enema Systems (pictured here) are a standard piece of kit for many enema enthusiasts. Along with any number of home brew, high colonic rigs, shower enema shots are sold by the thousands if not 10’s or 100’s of thousands. You can find the more basic types in drug stores, pharmacies and virtually any adult store. They are supplied with the same standard disclaimers and warning as any other “Adult toy”. They do not come with any specific warning about the tap water pressure or anything similar.
I have not found any consumer protection authority that singled out these products in any way. The only case of death by garden hose enema that I do know of involved two young boys who thought it would be fun to keep squirting water up a pig’s ass to see if they could get water to come out of the pigs mouth. They did not manage to get the water to come out the pigs mouth but they did manage to kill the pig. All the other stories I have heard to date remain hearsay with no corroborating authoritative reports. In fact, the only references to any cases of enema causing perforation of the bowel are the result of underlying medical conditions and occurred in Hospital administered enemas.
When compared to the dangers of playing with knives and needles, as others do in the various BDSM, Kink and RACK activities, the edges on a garden hose are pretty innocuous. People stick things up there ass like Matchbox cars, bicycle handles, hair brushes, shampoo bottles (and not just the rounded ones) all the time, with no ill effects. If it hurts, then stop. You wouldn’t stab yourself in the ass with a knife and it is a lot harder and more painful to do it with a bit of plastic or rubberised hose.
I am not saying that enema’s from garden hoses (nor any other type of enema) is risk free. The sage advice is “Listen to your body” and take it slowly till you have an idea of what your body can take.
There are record cases of people who have over filled their colon (as rare as they are) and an enema being forced into the small intestine. In order to achieve this a retention nozzle was required so that the enema simply cannot come out the anus as the pressure built up. Before there is enough pressure to force an emena into the small intestine there is immense cramping and a painful sense of fullness. If all this can be ignored and the enema does enter the small intestine the recorded results are extreme nausea and vomiting. You would then have to ignore all of this for it to become life threatening.
It is simply not easy to overfill with an enema of any sort.
This is for people who are contemplating anal sex and considered that some type of anal training might be a good idea. It is a fair question to ask where to start with your taining or warm ups. Small anal/butt plugs? A finger? Lube and what sort of lube? Should you use a special lube? All very good questions.
Questions surrounding the effects of playing with, or wearing, butt plugs tends to be a bit of a hot topic. This question was sent to me on FetLIfe out of frustration regarding all the misinformation out there. The weary web surfer couldn’t find a straight answer to their questions about playing with butt plugs and any post they made was quickly overrun by neigh sayers and fear mongers. I feel this is information that the broader community would be interested in so I have posted the question and my answer here.
The question about playing with butt plugs
“I’m writing to you as you are the owner of the group Anal 101. To me it seems like you cover a lot of topics in that group. Maybe you can Please help me with my question …
In Germany we got an online platform called joyclub.de. We talk a lot there, but there is always so much fear involved. If it comes to wearing butt plugs for an extended time, immediately there are those people who shout out loud that you will get incontinent from just playing with plugs.
My question: Do you know of a group here in fetlife or maybe even a topic in the group Anal 101 which covers that fear? A group which discusses the effects of playing with plugs (more often than an average person would do)?
I am hoping to find a group which is not just filled with those who scream first but got no real story to tell. Most of the people just say that it is potentially harmful but don’t give any source for their opinion.
I am sad to say there is no group on FetLife, or anywhere else, I have found that is not filled with people going on and on about matters they have no knowledge of. More often than not you find people full of their own self-righteousness, pushing their own form of morality, politics or religion (or lack there of) and others who are just completely self absorbed with their own self importance with no regard for how it may effects others.
The other problem is that internet communities are nothing much more then a talk fests (blogs) anyway and there are so many that feel the need to make their presence felt by filling the internet with random, unchecked commentary. Furthermore, the webmasters or hosts of most networking sites do not concern themselves with capturing or maintaining valuable information, let alone filtering out the rubbish. It is not within their purview.
These are the reasons that prompted me to spend the time setting up Anal 101. I quickly realised I had a problems with relying on the Hosts of FetLife to protect the information I was collecting. That resulted in me setting up MaxPrivate.net.
Investigating the effects of playing with butt plugs
Let me see if I can address your underlying question directly. I have found a couple of small studies on the long term consequences of Anal Sex which have all concluded the same;
e.g. “There were no IAS or EAS defects, as well as no fecal incontinence, in our subjects.” – Department of Medicine, University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, Pennsylvania, USA
The Pittsburgh study is very small, so it is fair to say that it has limited clinical/scientific value, when considered in isolation. However, even a study that only included 14 anoreceptive people with zero measurable negative affects tells us there are no direct negative effects to the anus caused by participating daily in anal sex.
The following is a statistical analysis of the Pittsburgh study. When a small study has a negative result like this, it is not possible to conclude that there are no direct negative consequence from long term anoreceptive behavior. If it turned out that there is a 50:% chance that anal sex caused problems, the odds of this study drawing a complete blank is less than 1 in 10,000. If there is a 20% chance that regular anal sex had a negative impact on the asshole, the chances that the Pittsburgh study would fail to detect this is less than a 1 in 20.
Assuming that anal sex can cause damage to the asshole, we can conclude that the odds of any negative impact must be less than 1 in 5 over a life time.
However, these studies do not exist in isolation. Add to this study what we know about the behavior of many thousands of people (which we can call case studies) that show no long term ill effects of constantly wearing butt plugs for extended periods of time. Then add to this our knowledge of human biology and anatomy which gave us kegel exercises. Many of these exercises involve inserting weighted rods and balls into either the vagina or anus to reverse or prevent muscular atrophy and loss of muscle control. i.e. they help the ares not hurt it.
To add to all this, no butt plug manufacturer has ever been sued over the use or design of their products. They have never been force to add anything other than general health warnings to their marketing material or packaging. Nor has there ever been any medical report or health warning in any reputable forum on the negative consequences caused by wearing butt plugs or other insertables for extended periods.
Combining all of the knowledge we have;
The small studies on anal sex showed absolutely no negative impacts from the practice
there have been no substantiated, reputable reports that link the use of butt plugs with anal issues
you have thousands of people who have reported no problems with their personal experience
in the past three years I have only see one person claim to have personally had a negative consequence and they could not rule out that it was cause by other factors/behavior
The negative commentary is hearsay (third person commentary on what they heard or believed that someone else said or did).
I would not go so far as to say you cannot damage your asshole playing with butt plugs, it would just be an extraordinary case. It would involve ignoring a lot of pain that which would be serving as a warning of things going wrong.
So the answer to your question about finding a group is no, but I hope this helps. However, if you want to canvas people by posting something in Anal 101 I will support that and if you would like to join MaxPrivate.net and invite others to do the same I could probably establish a special interest group or discussion [here] as well.