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Am I too damn tight?2022-08-16T10:25:45+10:00


No matter how much I try to relax, no matter how much lube I use I cannot even fit a small anal vibrator in me so there is no way I am going to accommodate my boyfriend’s cock in me. I am hugely turned on by the idea of giving him my ass but I have no idea how that is going to work for me. What can I do?


Most people think of the anal sphincter as if it was just a single ring muscle when it is actually an amalgamation of rings connected to an amalgamation of other muscles, the function of which is to keep things out or push things out. I have little doubt that you have seen larger solids come out of your ass when you look in the toilet then anything you are currently trying to put in. It is essential to realize this point. It goes a long way to answering the question in the title of your OP – No you’re not too damn tight. At least not in a engineering sense. All will become easy when you understand what you must do at a conscious level and what you need to do to train your nervous system allow stuff to go in as easily as it pushes things out and only when you want it to.

I have published several articles that you should find useful. You should also share this with your partner. In no particular order:
Starting with an Anal Sex Virgin
Anal Training by Yourself
Anal Training (together)
Avoiding Anal Sex Pain
Anal Training after a bad incident

You will quickly see the overlap in the advice and information given in each of these articles, but I still get questions on some of the specifics. So, here is an FAQ on the subject of getting past/avoiding pain or tightness – Anal Sex Pain catch-22

Dealing with the smell of an enema2022-08-15T16:32:54+10:00


I have always accepted that there is a damn awful smell from expelling an enema. And it lingers for ages. It totally stinks out my bathroom and it is terrible if you have to share the bathroom with anyone else. Is there anything I can do that will stop the stink?


First up, if the smell is that bad then you are dislodging and mobilizing the contents at that top of your colon. That is the smelliest stuff. So the first thing to consider is whether you need to clean yourself out to that degree. If all you are worried about it making sure that having anal sex is clean then you are either over doing things or you need to make some simple adjustments to your diet. No, I don’t mean that you have to starve yourself before anal sex. That is also over doing it. The first thing is to understand what you need to do to achieve the level of cleanliness you are after. You want to start with the article – Eating and Enemas for Clean Anal Sex.

If your goal is to clean out more than just your rectum, the solution is soap. The first article references the Total Colon Clean Out. This definitely will release the smell with the first high volume flush. Adding some liquid soap to the mix will make the expulsion of the enema foam. The foam will trap the smell. Lavender scented castile soap does a particularly good job by adding a pleasant scent to the water while trapping the stink. You can get a similar benefit from adding the soap to the toilet bowl water. Your expulsion will foam the toilet water and trap most of the smell. After the first hi-colonic you won’t need the soap. You just want to rinse your colon with plain water.

Anal sex pain catch-222022-08-03T13:49:57+10:00


Even though one can consciously relax the outer anal sphincter, is it its still necessary to “force” your way through the inner before the resulting stimulation of the rectum will cause it to relax? It just seems like a Catch-22 that you cannot elicit the desired unconditioned reflex without fighting the natural clench and the resulting pain.


Most people do see this as a catch-22. The overwhelming public opinion is something like – Anal sex is always painful in the beginning but it gets easier
Even this statement has two interpretations and no one ever seems to make the distinction.
First point: just pushing past the pain will cause the Outer Anal Sphincter (OAS) as well as other related pelvic muscles to clench (fight or flight response). Pressing on regardless, the body releases endorphins to alleviate the pain, the fight or flight response subsides allowing the muscles to relax, the OAS and other muscles fatigue in addition to the stimulation of the rectal walls causing the Inner Anal Sphincter (IAS) to relax. This is the overwhelmingly common experience for anal beginners.
As long as the bottom is not put off by this experience and continues to accept anal penetration on a regular (weekly or at least a few times a month) then the classical conditioning kicks in and they get to the point were they only need a little bit of spit for lubricant to get things started.
At this point I feel it is appropriate to provide a link to another article – Compare anal with vaginal sex.

The better solution:

There are three primary sources of pain to deal with when initially penetrating the anus. The first is skin friction. Obvious. The solution is to use a good anal lubricant. Also obvious, and the place everyone starts and often stop. The second is muscle strains. The third is starting with something that is simple too fat and is going to over stretch the skin and/or muscles.
The process is to avoid straining the IAS with the first penetration. Basically, the first thing in the anus has to be thin enough not to strain the clenched IAS. Part of this consideration is that the anal canal is surrounded by multiple rings of muscle. Most tops make the mistake of thinking they are home free once they get passed the subcutaneous anal sphincter. This is the lowest ring of the OUTER anal sphincter. On some bottoms there is a noticeable gap between the Subcutaneous OAS and the IAS. If you push the tip of your finger (or anything else) into this gap you will trigger the pain response. But if you do it right, you can slip a well lubed finger through the entire length of the anal canal without causing any pain. Then you can trigger the release of the IAS by gently hooking the tip of your finger over the top of the anal canal and pulling on the bottom of the rectum. This is the starting point for Training an Anal Virgin
The process of avoiding over stretching the skin and anal canal generally is warm up and stretch training. Work you way up slowly over time and repeated penetrations – Staying in anal shape

Inner Anal Sphincter vs Outer Anal Sphincter2022-08-02T10:29:10+10:00


What about the inner anal sphincter? Does it follow the voluntary muscle state?

“You can manually open the outer anal sphincter by pushing as you would to release a fart or go to the toilet. You need to actively push out to open things up and make it easier for things to get in.”

Avoiding Anal Sex Pain


The simple answer is no. But ….

The inner anal sphincter (IAS) is wired to the brain in the same way as the outer anal sphincter (OAS). The IAS is wire directly to neuroreceptors in the walls of the lower rectum. The connection is part of the enteric nervous system in the lower part of the spinal cord. Pressure on the walls and stretching the walls is what triggers the IAS to relax.

Peristalsis constantly pushed the stuff that you eat, towards and into the rectum. Our brains do get signals from the sympathetic nervous system when the lower rectum starts to fill up (sometimes it is only gas) and we sense that something is trying to get out. If you ignore those early warning signals, the rectum fills and, the pressure on the walls and stretching, results in the IAS suddenly relaxing. Now it is time to run to the toilet.

In the normal, “closed” state, your inner anal sphincter provides about 80% of the closing force. Once the IAS relaxes, you can clench your ass increasing the holding force of the Outer Anal Sphincter (OAS) but, typically, this will only be half the normal closing force and it gets worse as the OAS start loosing strength, just like the muscles in your arms and legs, so within minutes you are loosing any chance of keeping your anus closed. Your OAS is no match for the intestinal peristalsis.

The IAS can be (and is) reprogramed in an anal receptive through a process of Classical Conditioning. This is exactly the same as Pavlov training a dog to salivate at the mere suggestion of approaching food. When the thought of anal penetration is linked to sexual arousal the IAS learns to relax at the thought of being penetrated.


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