Benefits of anal sex training by yourself
There are lots of reasons why people want or should do anal sex training by themselves. Most will ‘suffer’ from modesty, anxiety, fears or some combination or those, that are the result of a lifetime of negative social programming. Others have experienced or anticipate pain and discomfort that they believe would be tolerable, or at least would spoil the sexual encounter. Some want to surprise a partner with the special ‘gift’ of giving their ass and want to be assured that it will be easy and without a lot of negotiations, discussions or experimentation. They want it to be a natural part of their sexual exploits and not be awkward.
To get past a mental block you will do a lot better playing/training on your own. Even if you have a partner that is caring and gentle enough, you just need to focus on reprogramming/desensitizing your own psychological/physiological response. You can use simple behavior mod practices. The following is a detailed program for reprogramming yourself.
The following advice assumes you know about the anatomy of your ass. If you have any doubt read Common Causes of Anal Sex Problems first. You are also going to need a good anal lube to keep everything nice and slippery. You can find out all about What Makes a Good Anal Lube by clicking on that link.
Be comfortable with your ass
If you want to enjoy anal sex you have to be comfortable with your ass and anal sex training by yourself will make you comfortable with your ass. If you are not comfortable then you will have problems. I think it is fair to say that all the problems that people have with anal sex are in their mind. You will find another article here the deals directly with Learning to Enjoy Anal Sex. If you have misgivings about your ass, you need to address those first.
Most people’s anxiety with their ass stems from the Dirty issue. For the most part, your ass is not that dirty. At least nothing dirtier than you put up with every day (and I don’t mean when you go to the toilet). According to at least one field study, humans walk around with an average of 1 gram of fecal matter in their knickers/undies every day. We pick up trace amounts of fecal matter off all sorts of horizontal surfaces like desks, benches, the arms of chairs, railings, etc. Most any time of any day you can touch (or scratch) your anus and your fingers will not turn brown. Occasionally you might detect that slight musty smell. Still most people don’t wash this off which is why we pick up traces of fecal matter from all over the place. The same can be said for sticking you finger in your anus. It is very unlikely it would come out visibly dirty.
For most people, the normal state of the anus is just not clean enough and nothing I say is going to change that. But you don’t have to hose your ass out or resort to laxatives. It is not that hard to make sure your ass is clean and free of poo for anal play. There are two articles that should help you with your understanding and put your mind at ease – Eating and Enemas for Clean Anal Sex and Issues with Enemas – Good and Bad.
However, when you are just starting out the simplest solution to keeping things clean is to start off your training while you are in the shower. If you are in the shower and do manage to get something sticky on your finger, there is soap on hand and plenty of running water.
Anal sex training in the shower
Starting with your own fingers
It really is so much better if you start with your own fingers. It is the fastest way to dispel you demons and it is so much easier to figure out how your body works and the little variations that make your body unique. Most of the time you rectum is empty. If you go to the toilet, specifically to poo, then your rectum will definitely be empty for an hour or two. Now there are exceptions. Obviously an upset bowel is a problem. Too many oily foods can also make your poo sticky and/or gooey. But as long as you have health bowel movements or even a bit of constipation, you have nothing to worry about.
So it is not going to be dirty but, if you don’t believe me, you are starting in the shower anyway.
You also need to use your fingers so you get an understanding of what your anus or anal sphincters are doing. You are going to be practicing to control them and at the same time training them to respond favourably to your wishes. Your fingers are better at giving you the feedback you need and ensuring you don’t do anything that could cause pain in the early stages.
Fingernails in your ass
There is a lot of fuss made about trimming and filing down fingernails. It is not a bad idea when you are sticking your fingers in someone else’s anus for the first time. But I’ll let you in on a dirty, little secret, your ass just isn’t that fragile. It is no different than any other soft tissue in your body. Try sticking one of your fingers inside your cheek (in your mouth). Sure you can feel the end & edges of your finger nails. Sure you can make it hurt. Sure you could do some damage to the soft tissue, but you have to be serious about it, clumsy or stupid. It doesn’t just happen. So don’t worry about spoiling a good manicure just for a bit of anal finger poking. Just make sure they are not torn with really sharp edges or pointy bits.
Opening the Sphincters
If you are comfortable inserting your own fingers (or at least one finger) then that is the place to start. For three minutes a day (at least) stick your own finger in your ass and start moving it around. Gently pull your anus from side to side then front and back with your finger. Just get used to manipulating your anus without causing yourself any pain.
Start practicing ‘bearing down’ (pushing your ass out like you are trying to poo). You can help your anus to relax by hook your finger into the open space of your rectum and around the back of your anus and pulling out gently. As you feel the sphincter muscles start to relax and soften (not necessarily on the first or on any given attempt) start working a second finger into your anus from your other hand, sliding it carefully along the first. Be gentle. Be comfortable. Remember to breath. Your breath should be calm and rhythmic. Pause as you breath in. Push out with your ass and in with your fingers as you exhale.
When you have two finger comfortably in start, stretching them apart, GENTLY! Sideways and front to back. Remember to breath. Relax as you breath in, pause, and stretch a little more as you breath out. Keep working with your fingers. Over time (and probably not a lot of time) you will find you can work your way up to two fingers from each hand. It may take you a week. Some days will be easier and some days will be harder. Listen to your body and only go as far as you are comfortable on any give day.
Anal Sex Training beyond your fingers
When you are comfortable to move on, it is time to start probing deeper and that you cannot do with fingers. You should have the confidence to move your training out of the shower.
You want to work with something very smooth. The classic vibrators come in different diameters and are dirt cheap (see: classic vibe). Get a couple of different sizes, nothing extreme. Start with your fingers to relax your anus and then slowly replace your fingers with the tip of the vibrator. Vibrations will further relax your muscles.
Your practice with the vibe is to gently push in past the Puborectalis muscle. Gently gyrate the vibe as you try pushing it in. Squat or bring your knees to your chest is the best position. Concentrate on your breathing. Pause as you breath in. Push as you breath out. You should feel the resistance of this muscle fade fairly quickly (maybe a number of attempts) and when you do it is time to start sliding the vibe in and out gently and rhythmically.
As you go deeper you will need more and more lube. You will be able to get the vibe in about 4 inches (10 cm) before you hit a potential roadblock. This is because of the Anorectal Angle. To proceed deeper (same with a cock) you have to navigate the vibe through the sharp corner into the main part of your rectum. To do this you have to tilt the head of the vibe (inside you) back towards your spine. You will be pulling the base of the vibe forward, towards your clit. This will put a whole new strain on your sphincters and Puborectalis muscle, so take it slow and gentle. Just start by rocking the vibe back and forth. Concentrate on your breathing. This time start tilting the vibe toward you spine while you breath in and stop tilting when you feel the strain. Maintain the strain as you finish breathing in and as you breath out just angle the vibe a little more. Breath in holding the strain and tilt a little more as you breath out. When you are comfortable (you decide) start pushing the vibe further in as you breath out. More lube!
When the vibe is aligned with your rectum you can slide a vibe in easily until it hits the top of the rectum (at least eight inches/20 cm). That is going to be deeper than the length of most vibrators. Once you get to this point it is time to just practice sliding the vibe all the way in and all the way out, rhythmically, over and over again. Apply more lube.
Remember to always start from the beginning with your fingers. Warm yourself up to where you were before. But now it is time to imagine the vibe is a real cock. Think about your man and his cock as you penetrate yourself. As you are sliding the vibrator in and out. This is a standard brain training trick. Ideally now you should be masturbating yourself to orgasm. This is actually very important in Behavior mod., to associate all the sensations with sexual gratification.
Anal Sex Training with a real cock
When you introduce a real cock you are probably not by yourself. Nonetheless, there are still things you need to consider yourself.
When all seems good and you feel ready and you have imagined his cock penetrating your ass over and over and over again, it is time to use the real thing. At this point it all might come very easily but even for an anal veteran, warm-up is still important.
If you are feeling nervous at all on this final step just start warming yourself up with your own fingers (not your partner’s). If necessary, go through the exercise steps with your vibe. Be touching each other. Looking at each other. Imagine it is his cock when you are warming up with your vibe.
As you ready yourself to take his cock it is time to inject a good dose of lube up your ass (see: Good anal lube). Make sure he is lying on his back with his cock standing up to start with and when you feel ready, position yourself over his cock, still with the vibe burred in your ass. Slide the vibe in and out a couple more times and when you are ready, slide the vibe out and gently guide his cock into your ass as a replacement. Remember your training. You have to get passed the sphincters first, then the Puborectalis muscle, then the angle into the rectum. You control the speed of penetration. You control the angle. Remember your breathing. Sit/push down on the cock as you exhale. Pause as you inhale. Take your time and concentrate on your breathing until you are sitting right down on his cock. Start gyrating, maybe bouncing a little yourself before you let him start to take control.
I figure you can sort it from there.