Research on this topic is very difficult to pin down. Somewhere between 10% and 40% of women report having difficulty or the inability to orgasm at all. As a woman who rarely has any trouble reaching multiple orgasms, I find this piece of statistics extremely sad. It indicates the amount of women who find the act of sex physiologically or physiologically problematic. I am a believer that whatever social damage had been done to us, we should continue on the quest of finding our release, and in this case, an orgasm is one worthy pursuit.

The popular press and social media is full of advice on the health benefit of an orgasm or how it strengthens relationships when an orgasm is due to/shared with a lover and there are endless lists on how to prepare yourself or your mind for orgasmic sex. I just want to cut to the chase.

If a woman has not been able to orgasm on her own or with a partner, girls I suggest you take out your big guns and buy a vibrator. Guys if your woman is yet to orgasm, I suggest you approach the topic of vibrators sensibly, cautiously and respectfully, just in case she does have an issue with sex toys.

Why a vibrator

Well they are mechanical, unlike human heads, hands and tongues they do not tire. They hit the spot, usually a clitoris or vagina, easily and with care, especially if you are doing the driving. If it’s your partner who is wielding this dangerously, delicious toy, you will need to make sure you guide him, firmly and specifically.

How to use a vibrator?

You use a vibrator however and wherever it feels good for you. I have to say, I’ve never had a problem orgasming on my own or with Max. Having said that, vibrators form an extra set of toys in the bedroom and they are a descendant and hedonistic additional must within our sex play. So I can put it in my vagina, anus as well as a small one to my clit. Don’t start this way… gently progress. This is a play that can be experienced once you have mastered all body parts, one at a time, or together.

How often can I use a vibrator

As often as you wish as long as your toy is working, you can go for your life. However, make sure that your toy is charged or you have a spare set of batteries at hand. Nothing is worse then being in mid/pre-orgasm and your toy starts to fade and gives out. Buzz kill mid-orgasm is one of the most frustrating experiences alongside experiencing endless fumbling from your partner that just does not hit the spot.

What do I do with my dirty vibrator?

Clean and disinfect your toy after use, like you clean yourself.

How do I approach my partner about this?

I’ve never come across a partner who does not like to play in the bedroom. Broach the subject. If it is for your pleasure, then buying your own and introducing it to the conversation of sex, would be a sensible approach. If it is for the pleasure of your female partner, then the subject will need to be broached carefully. I know of women who gag at the thought of sex toys, the gag is not an intended pun. If it is this severe, we suggest sex counselling.

Or make a sex date with your partner and take him to a sex toy shop and choose a vibrator together. Nothing like visiting a sex shop to say you are committed in a loving and non judgemental sexual relationship.

No sex shop in your town or near enough, then this website already has a number of vibrators for women’s pleasure, tried and tested for your inner hedonist.

If your partner rejects the idea, then buy it as this is your toy to revel in. learn to pleasure your body, for it is us women who must know our bodies and needs. Your partner does not need to be part this play until they come around to the idea. If your partner controls your sex and you are comfortable with this, then that’s your choice. If not, then I would suggest partner counselling.

For a list of my favourite vibrators, see this page and happy valentines, give her the gift of an orgasm, or a million Os.

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