Anal sex question from a Lesbian
Here is a real life situation that highlights some of the issues that are specific to Lesbians who are interested in Anal Sex. It highlights the specifics of how Anal sex for lesbians can be more difficult to address or more complicated when there is no male partner involved.
“Anal really get’s me off when I think about it. I’ll watch anal porn videos (I’m a lesbian and have the Everything Butt lesbian page open on my phone practically all the time). When I fantasize about sex, anal always comes up. When I masturbate, chances are I’m thinking of a hot girl with a strap-on fucking my ass. However, in my (albeit limited) experience with anal, it’s never really lived up to the fantasy.
I did anal a lot a few years ago with men before I came out and it was more the thought of someone fucking my ass that got me off while it was happening. Physically it never really did much for me, and I’ve never really got the chance to do anal with a girl as my ex wasn’t into it. When I masturbate, if I put my fingers in my ass it doesn’t do much. I’ve wanted to get a plug and see if that does anything. Does anyone else sympathize? Do I just need to explore more with girls and toys? Or are some things just better as a fantasy?”
Some background on anal sex for women
This is a particularly poignant question following Mini Private’s recent posting “Sexual fantasies into reality“. Anal sex for women is different from men. Although stimulation of the anus and the anal canal is neurologically the same for both sexes, the internal structures which can add to or result in sexual pleasure are different.
People who automatically or immediately derive sexual pleasure from anal penetration are definately in the minority. Pleasure from sex in general, but especially for women, is more heavily influenced by their mental and emotional state (subject for another article), especially when it comes to getting the sexual engine running. The comments on fantasy bare testament to where you sit on that continuum of female sexual pleasure triggers.
Learning to enjoy or gain pleasure from anal sex, beyond fantasies, will be an individual journey, but the principals are common to all. Here are a couple of articles that have help a lot of people in similar situations – Anal sex training by yourself and Learning to enjoy anal sex.
Communicating with your partner
When it comes to introducing a partner to your anal play and fantasies in general, things do get more complicated. You need to work on methods of communicating you needs and wants (and pain if it occurs) without braking the rhythm or mood/fantasy. While all the advice you will find on sexual satisfaction is going to tell you that open communications are important, no one addresses the fact that dissecting or intellectualizing your sexual experience when in the middle of it, is the last thing you want to do. A real Buzz Kill. Further more, dissecting you fatalities over a coffee or around the dinner table, even with the closest partner, can kill the fantasy in the process.
Communicating sexual fantasies and desires (without dying)
Out of sight – out of mind
Even after 8 years with my current partner, I sneak the toys and lube et al, into the bed or position them in reach but out of sight. This is to preserve the fantasy or mystery in bed. She only gets to see the array and dimensions of the rubber and other objects used on her body after her pleasure is over. The post sex realization of what she has experienced then adds to the sense of wicked pleasure. She doesn’t like blindfolds but she will often cover her eyes and face with a pillow case or scarf, or hide her entire upper body under the covers and leave her lower body exposed for access.
Two out of Three wise monkeys
Another technique that my partner has adopted is to watch porn on her phone with head phones on so that I cannot see or hear what she is watching. I am her reality and this is about her fantasies. My challenge is to respond to her body language and movements to know what to do when. I do not have any direct visual or auditory ques to what she is watching or where the action is up to. Yes, there have been a lot of rejections that have accompanied this approach. But, if the fantasy/mood is broken then neither of us has a problem saying stop which mostly comes from her. Some times we totally stop. Other times we dump the fantasy and just go back to some “boring” (very pleasurable) missionary sex.
Anal sex for women with strap-ons
Just one extra consideration regarding anal sex for women in a lesbian relationship. Whenever we use toys, strap-ons or other objects to penetrate both participants must keep in mind that the person doing the penetrating doesn’t feel a thing. The wearer of a strap-on gets no sensory feedback from the phallus. They have no sense of the pressure or resistance or friction they are creating. It can be a clumsy thing in the beginning and problematic for an inexperienced anus. Anal training by yourself will help you accommodate a strap-on and other toys. For strap-ons in particular, consider riding your partner at first so they get a sense of your pace/depth/rhythm and what pleases and how far they can go without hurting you.