Perfectly Easy Anal Sex – A success story

Easy Anal Sex

Prologue by MaxPrivate

“Perfectly easy anal sex” is an awesome success story from one of my followers on FetLife. The experience and issues that faced this person is echoed by so many that I asked if I could publish our dialogue for the benefit of others. This person’s story actually started with a post entitled “So I really wanted to try anal” about 8 months before she came to me for help. Here is how we started:

” I have gotten ok with the insertion and toys being in there…but the fucking motion…i don’t like it. It causes me pain. Currently I have called an all stop to anal until I figure it out.”

Continue reading “Perfectly Easy Anal Sex – A success story”

Anal Sex Training by Yourself

Benefits of anal sex training by yourself

There are lots of reasons why people want or should do anal sex training by themselves. Most will ‘suffer’ from modesty, anxiety, fears or some combination or those, that are the result of a lifetime of negative social programming. Others have experienced or anticipate pain and discomfort that they believe would be tolerable, or at least would spoil the sexual encounter. Some want to surprise a partner with the special ‘gift’ of giving their ass and want to be assured that it will be easy and without a lot of negotiations, discussions or experimentation. They want it to be a natural part of their sexual exploits and not be awkward.

Continue reading “Anal Sex Training by Yourself”

Avoiding or Eliminating Anal Sex Pain

Avoid Anal Sex Pain

This is a hot topic even for people in the BDSM/Fetish communities

It is a common misconception that you cannot avoid pain from anal sex penetration and that anal sex inevitably hurts. The standard advice – Bad Advice – goes something like this;

“Use lube, lots of lube, relax and don’t worry about the initial pain. It will go away.”

This advice is not entirely incorrect. If you do choose to just keep persevering your body and mind will get the hang of it eventually and anal sex will become easy. It just doesn’t have to be that way.

Continue reading “Avoiding or Eliminating Anal Sex Pain”

Starting Anal Sex Virgin

Starting with an Anal Sex Virgin

Introduction

This article focuses on physical techniques as well as general advice for the Top (the dominant/giver/penetrator) that are designed to open the ass of a Bottom (submissive/receiver) for the purpose of engaging in anal sex. As detailed as I have tried to be, it is not possible to cover every aspect of every persons personal responses. Conciser this advice as guidance for the wise and not rules for fools. This is all sound advice but be ready to vary things for an individual.

Continue reading “Starting Anal Sex Virgin”

Max Injector XL – anal lube shooter & enema syringe

Max Injector XL

The Max Injector XL is for those who want to inject a butt load of lube in a single shot and more effective for cleaning the arse for anal sex than the original Max Injector. When it comes to easy and pain free anal sex, lube injected into the anus is a must. But when it comes to finding a good lube shooter, the existing commercial products are basically rubbish. With the Max Products, I try to address specific needs for specialty products and source quality at a price that won’t disappoint.

Continue reading “Max Injector XL – anal lube shooter & enema syringe”

Positions for having anal sex

Which anal sex positions do people find better?

The following is a thread from one of my FetLife groups that asks what positions for anal sex people prefer. I thought would be of interest to the broader community. You will also find the question of position is important to avoid pain from anal sex

Some examples of those basic positions are shown here but are graphic/pronographic, so you have to have a sign in which acknowledges you accept the T&C’s

Continue reading “Positions for having anal sex”

Our modern aversion to Anal Sex

People’s aversion to Anal Sex

Our aversion to anal sex, be it the “ick factor”, shame, embarrassment or “it’s just plain wrong”, is the biggest barrier to people enjoying anal sex. These emotional responses to the thought of anal sex is at the core of people’s unwillingness to even contemplate the act. In a modern, 1st world society, it may be hard to understand the reasons for these emotions. After all, in our modern, first world societies, gay relationships are now celebrated, although not by all. It must be know that the vast majority of gay relationships involve anal sex.

Continue reading “Our modern aversion to Anal Sex”

Starting Anal Sex – initial pain

Anal Sex – Starting out

by jacquie30sJuly 24, 2016

Hi I’m pretty new to anal and would like to be able to take my master’s cock. My question is probably pretty rudimentary, but i would appreciate any information on your own experiences.

If it’s painful at the beginning can it feel better once it is in, or does the pain just continue? I’m ok I think to take a bit of pain but I’m worried that too much will scare me off anal.

Continue reading “Starting Anal Sex – initial pain”

Staying in Anal Shape

Staying in anal shape when flying solo. Any thoughts?

by ann_moonrider

Broke up with my boyfriend 6-months ago and moved. Single since then. He was the first guy that I had ever had satisfying anal sex with. It takes me a while to get relaxed, and things got better as we practiced together.

Been on my own now for half a year, and I’m wondering if the back-door progress I made will fade, and if I start up with a new lover, will I have the tightness trouble that I had at first. Has this happened to anyone?

I’m wondering if I should ‘practice’ with a vibe or dildo to stay in shape?

Continue reading “Staying in Anal Shape”

Alcohol and Anal Sex

Mixing alcohol and anal sex

Every time the subject of using alcohol to help a bottom take a cock (consenting bottom), especially when the question relates to an anal sex virgin, neigh sayers descend on the forum discussion with all manor of outrageous claims propounding the dangers of mixing alcohol with anal sex. In the extreme the claims suggest using anyone using alcohol to easy anal penetration is a candidate for the Darwin Awards or, at the very least, a trip to the ER. From a clinical standpoint, nothing could be further from the truth and there is no justification for all the negativity.

Continue reading “Alcohol and Anal Sex”

Ujjayi Breath for better sex

I can’t believe it is so hard to find a simple explanation of Ujjayi breath(ing). There is loads of information that talks about the spiritual links and nature and it origins. This article is about the mechanics of Ujjayi breathing for those who are just not into the spiritualism.

Before you start using Ujjayi Breath various situations to manage pain, alleviate discomfort or in your quest for greater sexual satisfaction, it is best to just practice the breathing technique on its own. The Ujjayi breath is typically done in association with asana practice. Asana is any posture useful for restoring and maintaining a persons well-being and improving the body’s flexibility and vitality. Primarily though, its origins are cultivating the ability to remain in seated meditation for extended periods.

Inhalation and exhalation are both done through the nose. An “ocean sound” is created by moving the glottis as air passes in and out. The length and speed of the breath is controlled by the diaphragm, the strengthening of which is, in part, the purpose of ujjayi. The inhalations and exhalations should be equal in duration, and are controlled in a manner that causes no distress to the practitioner. i.e. don’t strain to fill your lungs or empty them.

Ujjayi is a diaphragmatic breath. Keeping your chest still, you first fill the lower belly which pushes your belly out. Then rise to the lower rib cage and finally the upper chest and throat. When you lungs are full, hold your breath for a second or two. Don’t block your nasal passage with your tongue or pallet to hold the breath in, just hold your diaphragm and chest muscles in place. You should be able to allow small amounts of air to flow in and out if you wanted to.

When you breath out, let the air rush out at first (to make the ocean sound) and just let the breath slow to a stop at the end and relax with your lungs empty for a second or two. Again, don’t block the airways. Then start the cycle again..

Practice this in a comfortable sitting position with your eyes closed. No sooner than you think you are comfortable you will want to touch/scratch your nose or rub your eye or scratch your forehead. The idea is to breath through those moments and remain still. Focus on the breath flowing up through the top of your nasal passages and into the back of your throat in a big arc. Then back the other way. Listen to the “Ocean sound”. If you can’t feel it, imagine the air flowing up into your skull and your nasal passages opening.

The idea is to stay focused on your breath or breathing. As you relax you will start to daydream or maybe start pondering some part of the day or something you still need to do. Just slowly bring your thoughts back to your breathing as soon as you realise your mind is straying.

These are the mechanical and mental processes for a good Ujjayi breath. When you can breath through the itchy nose and other distracting sensations you will find that you can breath through all sorts of discomforts and even painful events.

It is a good way to wind down at the end of a day. It is basically a form of meditation in itself. Great way to relax before sex too.

Anal training

How do you do anal training?

This is for people who are contemplating anal sex and considered that some type of anal training might be a good idea. It is a fair question to ask where to start with your taining or warm ups. Small anal/butt plugs? A finger? Lube and what sort of lube? Should you use a special lube? All very good questions.

Continue reading “Anal training”

Anal training after a bad incident

Anal training after a bad incident

Anal training is at the core of this thread from FetLife. I felt this was worthy of preservation and that cannot be guaranteed if I leave it up to FetLife.

LittlePetMolly

Training after bad incident

by LittlePetMolly 7 months ago

Hey all, I’m hoping someone can help me.

I would like to begin anal training (I’ve actually done a little bit already) to please my boyfriend. The idea itself is arousing, however the trouble is, I have a slight history with abuse especially with anal. Everything usually is fine, the thoughts, arousals, and prep, but when it comes to actually doing it, all I can think of is how much it had hurt and how terrifying that one experience was and so I stop it all right then and there, right before insertion.

So basically I need to get past a mental and in the worst way. We certainly go incredibly slow and gentle and stop when necessary, but I just can’t get past this. Please help, I would like to be able to do this.

(Also this will be posted in the group dedicated to those dealing with trauma)
Not Following Discussion ()

Responses (9 of 9)

My wife/sub has dealt with trauma very similar to what you describe. In the beginning she was terrified at just it being brought up. Now she is still nervous and afraid up until penetration is complete once she is fully penetrated and her muscles have relaxed enough for movement. Usually she begins to have an orgasm as soon as movement starts! We started slow just fingers along with oral stimulation. We moved at her pace (with a few pushes from me as well) and have taken 2&1/2 yrs to get here. Sure you want to please your partner, if you guys take your time you can make anal the icing on the cake for both of you. Always remember good lube and plenty of it is your best friend

P S one way to look at the emotional side of dealing with the trauma, By over coming your fears and learning to enjoy and even love having anal sex you take the power away from your abuser. I’m no professional but that’s my thought on it.

To get passed a mental block you will probably do a lot better playing/training on your own. It sounds like you have a guy that is caring and gentle enough and you just need to focus on reprogramming/desensitizing your psychological/physiological response. You can use simple behavior mod. practices. The following is a detailed program for reprogramming yourself.

The following advice assumes you know about the anatomy of your ass. If you have any doubt read Common Causes of Anal Sex Problems first and don’t forget the lube. Keep everything very slippery.

If you are comfortable inserting your own finger (or at least one finger) then that is the place to start. For five minutes a day (at least) stick you own finger in your ass and start moving it around. Gently pull your anus from side to side then front and back with your finger. Just get used to manipulating your ass without causing yourself any pain.

Start practicing ‘bearing down’ (pushing your ass out like you are trying to poo). As you feel the sphincter muscles start to relax and soften (not necessarily on the first or any given session) start working a second finger into your anus from your other hand, along with the first. Be gentle. Be comfortable. Remember to breath. It should be calm and rhythmic. Pause as you breath in and push out with your ass and in with your fingers as you exhale.

When you have two finger comfortably in start stretching them apart, GENTLY! Side ways and front to back. Remember to breath. Relax as you breath in and stretch a little more as you breath out. Keep working with your fingers. Over time (and probably not a lot of time) you will find you can work your way up to two fingers from each hand. It may take you a week. It may take you a month. Some days will be easier and some days will be harder. Listen to your body and only go as far as you are comfortable on any give day.

When you are comfortable to move on it is time to start probing deeper and that you cannot do with fingers. You want to work with something very smooth. The classic vibrators come in different diameters and are dirt cheap (see: classic vibe). Get a couple of different sizes, nothing extreme. Start with your fingers to relax your anus and then slowly replace your fingers with the tip of the vibrator. Vibrations will further relax your muscles.

Your practice with the vibe is to gently push in past the Puborectalis muscle. Gently gyrate the vibe as you try pushing it in. Squat or knees to chest is the best position. Concentrate on your breathing. Pause as you breath in. Push as you breath out. You should feel the resistance of this muscle fade fairly quickly (maybe a number of attempts) and when you do it is time to start sliding the vibe in and out gently and rhythmically.

As you go deeper you will need more and more lube. You will be able to get the vibe in about 4 inchs (10 cm) before you hit a bit of a road block. This is because of the Anorectal Angle. To proceed deeper (same with a cock) you have to navigate the vibe through the sharp corner into the main part of your rectum. To do this you have to tilt the head of the vibe (inside you) back towards your spine. You will be pulling the base of the vibe forward, towards your clit. This will put a whole new strain on your sphincters and Puborectalis muscle, so take it slow and gentle. Just start by rocking the vibe back and forth. Concentrate on your breathing. This time start tilting the vibe toward you spine while you breath in and stop tilting when you feel the strain. Maintain the strain as you finish breathing in and as you breath out just angle the vibe a little more. Breath in holding the strain and tilt a little more as you breath out. When you are comfortable (you decide) start pushing the vibe further in as you breath out. More lube!

When the vibe is aligned with your rectum you could slide a vibe in easily until it hits the top of the rectum (at least eight inches/20 cm). Once you get to this point it is time to just practice sliding the vibe all the way in and all the way out, rhythmically, over and over again. Apply more lube.

Remember to always start from the beginning with your fingers. Warm yourself up to where you were before. Now it is time to imagine the vibe is a real cock. Think about your man and his cock as you penetrate yourself.Aas you are sliding the vibrator in and out. This is a standard brain training trick. Ideally now you should be masturbating yourself to orgasm. This is actually very important in Behavior mod. to associate all the sensations with sexual gratification.

When all seems good and you feel ready and you have imagined his cock penetrating your ass over and over and over again, it is time to use the real thing.

On this final step remember to start warming yourself up with your fingers (not his). Go through the exercise steps with your vibe. Be touching each other. Looking at each other. Imagine it is his cock when you are warming up with your vibe.

As you ready yourself to take his cock it is time to inject a good dose of lube up your ass (see: Good anal lube). Make sure he is lying on his back with his cock standing up to start with and when you feel ready, position yourself over his cock, still with the vibe burred in your ass. Slide the vibe in and out a couple more times and when you are ready, slide the vibe out and gently guide his cock into your ass as a replacement. Remember your training. You have to get passed the sphincters first, then the Puborectalis muscle, then the angle into the rectum. You control the speed of penetration. You control the angle. Remember your breathing. Sit/push down on the cock as you exhale. Pause as you inhale. Take your time and concentrate on your breathing until you are sitting right down on his cock. Start gyrating, maybe bouncing a little yourself before you let him start to take control.

If figure you can sort it from there.

Play safe.

A great resource for us women is the book by Tristan Taoromino called The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. I’ve read this book several times and always come away with something new. The most important part was how if it hurts to do anal, you’re doing something wrong. You should be able to achieve accepting of a cock without any pain. This of course, after lots of training, as @MaxPrivate has so eloquently spelled out for you. Consider using butt plugs that graduate in size. They are usually labeled as “anal training kits” and can be helpful, along with your fingers of course.

Also keep in mind that when the time comes to actually accept a cock, there isn’t necessarily any one position that will be the one that works for you. I suggest you play around with what position you’re in when you move forward with it. It’s a good idea to be in a position where YOU have the actual control over how fast/slow he moves into you, but it could be that you’re standing and he’s taking you from behind, or perhaps as @MaxPrivate indicated, sitting on top of him. It’s all about what works for you and finding that sweet spot.

Remember to take it slow. It’s not going to happen overnight or during one play session. It could take several months, and while this may seem like a long time to wait, remember that it’s also about the journey, as they say.

Good luck to you and have fun.

MAXPRIVATE’s Advice is the best in your case. AND it’s free lol…. Do this and in time (like a month or so) you’ll be comfortable enough with anal to enjoy it with your partner BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT!!!

YOU HAVE TO LEARN ALL THIS BY YOURSELF FIRST!!!!!

OneRedApple makes a good point. I am an advocate of squatting (not sitting). When you position yourself over the cock you want to be squatting, usually facing away (Asian reverse cowgirl). Depending on your anatomy and his cock’s the angle may not be best for the initial penetration but you have the flexability of leaning back towards his chest, even moving you feet forward a bit. Or it may be better to facing him in an Asian cowgirl.

Many people swear by spooning. The entry angle is good for the sphincters and Puborectalis muscle. It is easy to adjust your position to angle the cock through the Anorectal Angle. But it is a little hard to coordinate a smooth transition from the vibe to inserting the cock.

Doggy is best for others. It is easy to manage the vibe in one hand and the cock in the other at the same time. You want to start in an almost vertical kneeling position with your butt sticking out. As you push your butt further out and guide the cock in you also start folding forward to straighten out the Anorectal Angle. You keep pushng your butt out and drop it down onto your knees as you fold yourself over your thighs. At this point everything should be aligned for him to take control.

This is all fantastic advice. Thanks a lot everyone. I will most definitely begin gradual introduction by myself and work up the way @MaxPrivate suggested.

I’m sure over time and training, the mental block will disappear. However until then, there’s still a fairly strong emotional aspect to overcome :/

Okay, I agree with all the TL;DR here, but I don’t think anyone mentioned this yet.

The first step is just getting used to having your butthole be touched. So in the shower, soap up your butt and get it nice and clean between the cheeks. Then place your fingers on your anus and apply gentle pressure. This step comes before insertion or anything else.

@FFingercuFFs – excellent point. I am going to add that to the piece of writing I am compiling based on this thread.

Female Cum & Ejaculation – fact not fiction & not pee

Female Cum & Ejaculation:
– Introduction –

Female ejaculation is still a fiercely debated phenomenon. Some women (and their partners) are seriously bothered by the thought of “gushing” or “squirting” and horribly embarrassed when it does happen to them. The concern usually stems from the incorrect belief that anything more than a bit of moisture which arises during sexual arousal, to facilitate penetration, must be urine.

Now there are women who do loose bladder control when they climax which is not really squirting or gushing, it is far better described as leaking. I also know there are many who say “… and so what!”, but there are many others who are just not into water sports and when they “gush” or “ejaculate” (as opposed to leaking) this can seriously spoil their enjoyment of what is surely some excellent sex. This is because the only way to stop the wetness is for the woman to stop enjoying what they are doing. This is completely misguided and unnecessary.

Female Cum & Ejaculation:
– Peeing, Squirting, Gushing and Ejaculating

There are a couple of reasons why some people find it hard to believe that a woman can ejaculate, not the least of which is the porn industry’s “Squirting Women” genre, in which women are most often filmed spraying “pee” all over the place at the moment of “climax”. It should also be noted that it is standard practice to inject a saline solution into the balder rather like they would do in during a cystoscopy. So in the case of many porn films it is not even urine. It is much more convenient injecting fluid into a woman’s bladder directly than waiting for the human bodies ability to produce urine.

Cystoscopy process
Cystoscopy with saline solution injected

In between the concepts of peeing (which could be leaking or squirting) and ejaculating there is also gushing. Again the porn industry makes no distinction between gushing and squirting (which are depictions of peeing in almost every instance) and so the term gushing is also hijacked by the porn industry leaving the unwitting population believing that any wet patch left by a woman must be urine. It’s just isn’t so.

Female Cum & Ejaculation:
– What is it and where does it come from?

So to make a specific distinction between urine and female “cum”, what we are speaking of is actually the standard/normal lubricant (mucus) the vagina produces when a woman is sexually aroused.

Female cross-section

Shown here is a rather classic diagram used to discuss the female reproductive system and sexuality. You have probably seen hundreds just like this. But it doesn’t even show, let alone highlight, where the female “cum” comes from. There are four internal glands that will never show up on a center-line cross-section like this because they are not on the center-line. They are positioned on either side of the vagina. Two at the front on either side and two at the back (on either side).

let me say that on various occasions (but not all) every woman I have been with has “gushed”. It makes me extremely happy when I see a big wet patch on the bed and its not me. It’s is a sure fire sign of how much the woman enjoyed our intimate time. And kind of flips the scales in the argument over who should sleep on the wet patch.

But, while any woman can gush, not all can ejaculate. Gushing (lubricant) comes from two different glans and their associated ducts in and around the entrance to the vagina. You can see these, the openings of the ducts, on this close-up the the female’s genitals.

Female Genitals
Female Genitals

The first source of gushing “cum” is the Batholin’s Gland which every woman has. You can see the opening of the left Batholin’s Gland which is circled in the image a little to the rear of the vaginal opening. There is another the same on the right side of the vagina.

The Skene’s gland is considered to be responsible for female ejaculation, but its anatomy varies greatly in every woman. Here it can be clearly seen just to the left of the urethral opening. In some women the Skenes glands drains into the urethra itself, which has reinforced the belief that it is pee. In some women it appears to be completely absent and would add to the argument that it is a complete myth.

If a woman has a healthy Skene’s gland that is well connected to her g-spot and clitoris and the conditions are just right (when her muscles contract or the penetration is just right and the exit of the ducts is not being cover by the labia) the glands will squirt girl juice like little syringes. They literally ejaculate fluid and it is just as convenient to call it girl cum.

Here are a couple of Wiki links you can check out that go into more clinical detail.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholin%27s_gland

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene%27s_gland

Learning to enjoy anal sex

Learning to enjoy anal sex:
– Introduction

Learning to enjoy anal sex is an issue that comes up again and again. If you are not into anal you may be asking why should you? Those who are into anal are asking why not? Those who want to please or share this experience with their partner are asking how can I?

So far, I am yet to see this subject addressed effectively. I see a lot of quick advice that lack any explanatory depth and only deal with one aspect or another. Some focus on one practice technique or another or they provide blind pieces of advice saying use more lube, taking it slower and just relax. All of which are good pieces of advice but not helpful it you believe your are already doing these things. Furthermore, this type of advice is treating symptoms and not addressing the root cause of many people’s discomfort. Continue reading “Learning to enjoy anal sex”