“Perfectly easy anal sex” is an awesome success story from one of my followers on FetLife. The experience and issues that faced this person is echoed by so many that I asked if I could publish our dialogue for the benefit of others. This person’s story actually started with a post entitled “So I really wanted to try anal” about 8 months before she came to me for help. Here is how we started:
” I have gotten ok with the insertion and toys being in there…but the fucking motion…i don’t like it. It causes me pain. Currently I have called an all stop to anal until I figure it out.”
There are lots of reasons why people want or should do anal sex training by themselves. Most will ‘suffer’ from modesty, anxiety, fears or some combination or those, that are the result of a lifetime of negative social programming. Others have experienced or anticipate pain and discomfort that they believe would be tolerable, or at least would spoil the sexual encounter. Some want to surprise a partner with the special ‘gift’ of giving their ass and want to be assured that it will be easy and without a lot of negotiations, discussions or experimentation. They want it to be a natural part of their sexual exploits and not be awkward.
This is a hot topic even for people in the BDSM/Fetish communities
It is a common misconception that you cannot avoid pain from anal sex penetration and that anal sex inevitably hurts. The standard advice – Bad Advice – goes something like this;
“Use lube, lots of lube, relax and don’t worry about the initial pain. It will go away.”
This advice is not entirely incorrect. If you do choose to just keep persevering your body and mind will get the hang of it eventually and anal sex will become easy. It just doesn’t have to be that way.
This article focuses on physical techniques as well as general advice for the Top (the dominant/giver/penetrator) that are designed to open the ass of a Bottom (submissive/receiver) for the purpose of engaging in anal sex. As detailed as I have tried to be, it is not possible to cover every aspect of every persons personal responses. Conciser this advice as guidance for the wise and not rules for fools. This is all sound advice but be ready to vary things for an individual.
The Max Injector anal lube shooter is for those people fed up with the poor quality and choice of Anal Lube shooters on the market? Can’t believe that online stores are asking $12.95 for a tinny, throw away, plastic injector that is so cheaply made the lube often squirts out the wrong end? Here is the BIGGER answer:-
The Max Injector XL is for those who want to inject a butt load of lube in a single shot and more effective for cleaning the arse for anal sex than the original Max Injector. When it comes to easy and pain free anal sex, lube injected into the anus is a must. But when it comes to finding a good lube shooter, the existing commercial products are basically rubbish. With the Max Products, I try to address specific needs for specialty products and source quality at a price that won’t disappoint.
The following is a thread from one of my FetLife groups that asks what positions for anal sex people prefer. I thought would be of interest to the broader community. You will also find the question of position is important to avoid pain from anal sex
Some examples of those basic positions are shown here but are graphic/pronographic, so you have to have a sign in which acknowledges you accept the T&C’s
To answer the question “Do anal numbing products work?” directly; YES, they work. Do some people benefit from them? – Yes, they do. Do some people suffer greatly as a result of using them? – YES! Yes they do.
A better better question might be:- “Will I benefit from using an anal numbing product?”
Our aversion to anal sex, be it the “ick factor”, shame, embarrassment or “it’s just plain wrong”, is the biggest barrier to people enjoying anal sex. These emotional responses to the thought of anal sex is at the core of people’s unwillingness to even contemplate the act. In a modern, 1st world society, it may be hard to understand the reasons for these emotions. After all, in our modern, first world societies, gay relationships are now celebrated, although not by all. It must be know that the vast majority of gay relationships involve anal sex.
Broke up with my boyfriend 6-months ago and moved. Single since then. He was the first guy that I had ever had satisfying anal sex with. It takes me a while to get relaxed, and things got better as we practiced together.
Been on my own now for half a year, and I’m wondering if the back-door progress I made will fade, and if I start up with a new lover, will I have the tightness trouble that I had at first. Has this happened to anyone?
I’m wondering if I should ‘practice’ with a vibe or dildo to stay in shape?
Every time the subject of using alcohol to help a bottom take a cock (consenting bottom), especially when the question relates to an anal sex virgin, neigh sayers descend on the forum discussion with all manor of outrageous claims propounding the dangers of mixing alcohol with anal sex. In the extreme the claims suggest using anyone using alcohol to easy anal penetration is a candidate for the Darwin Awards or, at the very least, a trip to the ER. From a clinical standpoint, nothing could be further from the truth and there is no justification for all the negativity.
I can’t believe it is so hard to find a simple explanation of Ujjayi breath(ing). There is loads of information that talks about the spiritual links and nature and it origins. This article is about the mechanics of Ujjayi breathing for those who are just not into the spiritualism.
Before you start using Ujjayi Breath various situations to manage pain, alleviate discomfort or in your quest for greater sexual satisfaction, it is best to just practice the breathing technique on its own. The Ujjayi breath is typically done in association with asana practice. Asana is any posture useful for restoring and maintaining a persons well-being and improving the body’s flexibility and vitality. Primarily though, its origins are cultivating the ability to remain in seated meditation for extended periods.
Inhalation and exhalation are both done through the nose. An “ocean sound” is created by moving the glottis as air passes in and out. The length and speed of the breath is controlled by the diaphragm, the strengthening of which is, in part, the purpose of ujjayi. The inhalations and exhalations should be equal in duration, and are controlled in a manner that causes no distress to the practitioner. i.e. don’t strain to fill your lungs or empty them.
Ujjayi is a diaphragmatic breath. Keeping your chest still, you first fill the lower belly which pushes your belly out. Then rise to the lower rib cage and finally the upper chest and throat. When you lungs are full, hold your breath for a second or two. Don’t block your nasal passage with your tongue or pallet to hold the breath in, just hold your diaphragm and chest muscles in place. You should be able to allow small amounts of air to flow in and out if you wanted to.
When you breath out, let the air rush out at first (to make the ocean sound) and just let the breath slow to a stop at the end and relax with your lungs empty for a second or two. Again, don’t block the airways. Then start the cycle again..
Practice this in a comfortable sitting position with your eyes closed. No sooner than you think you are comfortable you will want to touch/scratch your nose or rub your eye or scratch your forehead. The idea is to breath through those moments and remain still. Focus on the breath flowing up through the top of your nasal passages and into the back of your throat in a big arc. Then back the other way. Listen to the “Ocean sound”. If you can’t feel it, imagine the air flowing up into your skull and your nasal passages opening.
The idea is to stay focused on your breath or breathing. As you relax you will start to daydream or maybe start pondering some part of the day or something you still need to do. Just slowly bring your thoughts back to your breathing as soon as you realise your mind is straying.
These are the mechanical and mental processes for a good Ujjayi breath. When you can breath through the itchy nose and other distracting sensations you will find that you can breath through all sorts of discomforts and even painful events.
It is a good way to wind down at the end of a day. It is basically a form of meditation in itself. Great way to relax before sex too.
This is for people who are contemplating anal sex and considered that some type of anal training might be a good idea. It is a fair question to ask where to start with your taining or warm ups. Small anal/butt plugs? A finger? Lube and what sort of lube? Should you use a special lube? All very good questions.
I would like to begin anal training (I’ve actually done a little bit already) to please my boyfriend. The idea itself is arousing, however the trouble is, I have a slight history with abuse especially with anal. Everything usually is fine, the thoughts, arousals, and prep, but when it comes to actually doing it, all I can think of is how much it had hurt and how terrifying that one experience was and so I stop it all right then and there, right before insertion.
So basically I need to get past a mental and in the worst way. We certainly go incredibly slow and gentle and stop when necessary, but I just can’t get past this. Please help, I would like to be able to do this.
(Also this will be posted in the group dedicated to those dealing with trauma) Not Following Discussion (start following)
People have been shoving things up their asses for millenia without knowing anything much about their back passage and predominantly without major issues. But it is not without its issues and if you want make anal play or anal sex easier, then it is good to know the structure of your back passage and how to control it. Continue reading “Common Causes of Anal Sex Problems”
Female ejaculation is still a fiercely debated phenomenon. Some women (and their partners) are seriously bothered by the thought of “gushing” or “squirting” and horribly embarrassed when it does happen to them. The concern usually stems from the incorrect belief that anything more than a bit of moisture which arises during sexual arousal, to facilitate penetration, must be urine.
Now there are women who do loose bladder control when they climax which is not really squirting or gushing, it is far better described as leaking. I also know there are many who say “… and so what!”, but there are many others who are just not into water sports and when they “gush” or “ejaculate” (as opposed to leaking) this can seriously spoil their enjoyment of what is surely some excellent sex. This is because the only way to stop the wetness is for the woman to stop enjoying what they are doing. This is completely misguided and unnecessary.
Female Cum & Ejaculation:
– Peeing, Squirting, Gushing and Ejaculating
There are a couple of reasons why some people find it hard to believe that a woman can ejaculate, not the least of which is the porn industry’s “Squirting Women” genre, in which women are most often filmed spraying “pee” all over the place at the moment of “climax”. It should also be noted that it is standard practice to inject a saline solution into the balder rather like they would do in during a cystoscopy. So in the case of many porn films it is not even urine. It is much more convenient injecting fluid into a woman’s bladder directly than waiting for the human bodies ability to produce urine.
In between the concepts of peeing (which could be leaking or squirting) and ejaculating there is also gushing. Again the porn industry makes no distinction between gushing and squirting (which are depictions of peeing in almost every instance) and so the term gushing is also hijacked by the porn industry leaving the unwitting population believing that any wet patch left by a woman must be urine. It’s just isn’t so.
Female Cum & Ejaculation:
– What is it and where does it come from?
So to make a specific distinction between urine and female “cum”, what we are speaking of is actually the standard/normal lubricant (mucus) the vagina produces when a woman is sexually aroused.
Shown here is a rather classic diagram used to discuss the female reproductive system and sexuality. You have probably seen hundreds just like this. But it doesn’t even show, let alone highlight, where the female “cum” comes from. There are four internal glands that will never show up on a center-line cross-section like this because they are not on the center-line. They are positioned on either side of the vagina. Two at the front on either side and two at the back (on either side).
let me say that on various occasions (but not all) every woman I have been with has “gushed”. It makes me extremely happy when I see a big wet patch on the bed and its not me. It’s is a sure fire sign of how much the woman enjoyed our intimate time. And kind of flips the scales in the argument over who should sleep on the wet patch.
But, while any woman can gush, not all can ejaculate. Gushing (lubricant) comes from two different glans and their associated ducts in and around the entrance to the vagina. You can see these, the openings of the ducts, on this close-up the the female’s genitals.
The first source of gushing “cum” is the Batholin’s Gland which every woman has. You can see the opening of the left Batholin’s Gland which is circled in the image a little to the rear of the vaginal opening. There is another the same on the right side of the vagina.
The Skene’s gland is considered to be responsible for female ejaculation, but its anatomy varies greatly in every woman. Here it can be clearly seen just to the left of the urethral opening. In some women the Skenes glands drains into the urethra itself, which has reinforced the belief that it is pee. In some women it appears to be completely absent and would add to the argument that it is a complete myth.
If a woman has a healthy Skene’s gland that is well connected to her g-spot and clitoris and the conditions are just right (when her muscles contract or the penetration is just right and the exit of the ducts is not being cover by the labia) the glands will squirt girl juice like little syringes. They literally ejaculate fluid and it is just as convenient to call it girl cum.
Here are a couple of Wiki links you can check out that go into more clinical detail.
Learning to enjoy anal sex is an issue that comes up again and again. If you are not into anal you may be asking why should you? Those who are into anal are asking why not? Those who want to please or share this experience with their partner are asking how can I?
So far, I am yet to see this subject addressed effectively. I see a lot of quick advice that lack any explanatory depth and only deal with one aspect or another. Some focus on one practice technique or another or they provide blind pieces of advice saying use more lube, taking it slower and just relax. All of which are good pieces of advice but not helpful it you believe your are already doing these things. Furthermore, this type of advice is treating symptoms and not addressing the root cause of many people’s discomfort. Continue reading “Learning to enjoy anal sex”